Gather round kids! Today’s story is called, “Hansel and Gretel.” It’s about an evil witch who finally finished making her last mortgage payment on her candy house, when two bratty kids decided that they wanted to ruin her day. You see, these entitled seedlings saw the candy house, and instead of working hard to buy their own, they decided to take hers. Using the dirtiest and most delicious trick in the book, Hansel and Gretel trapped the witch with aromatic plates of Denny’s breakfast food. Once she was incapacitated, they pushed her into the Candy house’s oven. Don’t feel too bad for the witch, though. After all, she was evil and would have probably ended up eating the children. Sheesh… Fairy tales, am I right?